1.4.14 b

1.4.13 b

I call this guy the Neptune twig. I found this him laying on the ground with one single dry leaf attached to it still. I was immediately flung into a reverie of life before that moment, when this little stick used to be a part of a bigger plant, green with leaves and thriving. Being the foundation for many other little leaves. This one was the only that stayed with it and it was beautiful to me. Love, companionship. Their bones rest together in harmony and my consciousness took note of it. This is so Neptunian in nature- the compassion felt, the sharing of consciousness, the beauty in connection. A truly special thing.

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1.4.14 a

1.4.13 a

This tree caught my eye in all it’s grand glory. My friend said that she could feel the energy surrounding it. Children used to play near it, on it, with its branches. It was loved very much and so I sent more of my own love to it so it knew it wasn’t forgotten.

“Why did people…

“Why did people ask “What is it about?” as if a novel had to be about only one thing.”
—Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

THIS, this, this! For all you writers out there, especially ones working on a novel, you get what I mean. The most treacherous thing a person could ask is ‘what is your novel about?’. There are too many layers to a novel. Too many things that you want the reader to take away from it. Emotions you want them to feel. Inspiration you wish to spark. Knowledge you wish to convey through subtleties. How could one possibly respond with a short answer that fits in the context of a conversation? My answers will always be pretty similar. My novel is about humanity. It’s the human condition trying to explain itself in terms of an infinite universe. No matter which story I’m working on, the answer is the same. So now you know.

12/31/13

There are exactly 26 more minutes left of 2013 as I am writing this. Now, there are 25. Time is so strange. With it being strange, I don’t quite know what to say about the past year and what is has held because it all mixes together in my mind with emotion as the guiding factor and that’s not the best for considering time. Dreams weave different emotions, mornings and afternoons can seem months apart. The only thing I can assure about this year is that I have learned so much regarding love, spirituality, and who I truly am. I am in no way sure of anything. I just know that growth needs to continue and I will aid that with all my strength. The more I give toward strengthening, the stronger I become. Who knew, right? I have made some resolutions. Some goals. Little guiding points for myself, so I figure it would be a good idea to write them here since I am starting this blog to document this year and my life and thoughts.

  • Meditate daily
  • Read daily
  • Write daily
  • Study everything
  • Spend more time in nature
  • Expand comfort zone
  • Forgive more
  • Stop feeling guilty for everything
  • Enjoy sobriety
  • Remember to ‘let it go’
  • Travel with ease
  • Express gratitude for everything
  • Go with the flow
  • Relax when needed
  • Do more for your body: eat healthier, do yoga, take walks
  • Don’t take thing so personally
  • Post here at least once a week!
  • Express yourself freely
  • FEEL

Musing from a Scorpio with Venus in Sagittarius

My insides are inconsistent. They create essences and destroy feelings and operate in covert ways to elude the ego and flow through life in a steady wave. It pours out passions through my pores and sinks my skin into yours, no survivors from the suffocation, death in the slow choking and dissolving of boundaries — new birth in our bodies as one. It’s like the level of awareness we were on before rises toward the heavens in exaltation. We can see what we were missing before. Awake the new level of life you’ve immediately set for yourself. Nothing less would suffice. Nothing less would make you happy. Sometimes, though. Sometimes it sways the tides and ropes them in to push them in on themselves, just to bubble up to poisonous skies, wet ambitions, halted dreams. Nightmares swarm and they grab me by the neck and shake me till I wake in sweat needing to numb my hands with writing before I go insane. When I want to be alone it can last days. Days that I cherish and need in order to feel rejuvenated and alive. I contemplate, I write, and I love everything but I’m so embedded in the universal unconscious that my sways are necessary alignments. The stars are driving me every day towards death and rebirth, on all different levels. I’m a walking prism of the universe, examining itself. Expanding itself. How can I possibly commit to anything? I feel I am being selfish with you, and you, and you. With everyone! My inconsistency hurts so many and that hurts me, too. Eudaimonia. Love me freely. Accept my confusion and misdirection. Be my fantasy and shake me up a bit, transfer your life force into my being, make your mark and live in my heart forever. Draw on the inside pictures of our love. Let me keep them forever. Let me keep you forever. Forever is in a moment.

Pure happiness

The ether closed me in, as in the womb, and the panic I expected turned to comfort despite claustrophobic tendencies. It turned from caged closeness to flexible freedom. I became an innocent child wrapped in my mothers arms. I became the lone wolf, blanketed in the blood of the earth. I could escape my skin and return unscathed and unperturbed. It was all still sticking to my flesh as freshly as before. No cuts, no bruises, no sore legs from the wandering. Only my heart was beating faster than normal. I ran as I laid on the grass, through the wind and the passing bodies I roamed over in search of inspiration. I found it everywhere I touched. Without constraint the walls crumbled. I tunneled into the rubbish and chalked my energy with the remains, laughing as they clung to nothingness. They withered. They became dust. I covered my naked body in corpses of shredded fear. I danced until they shook off, hit the ground, and disappeared  They never existed in the first place. I laughed more and more. The light inside my chest exploded. They said my aura was light green/blue, and I could feel the presence of my true self glittering in their vision. My own vision became blurred. The tree branches begged for me to join them, the sun kissed my skin and warmed my face. I lifted myself up to the tops of their heads and became a single leaf. Browning at the ends and losing my strength, slipping slowly down, spiraling on the wind, gently resting on the ground and staring at the home I’d lived in forever. Decay came close but I left the leaf’s soul and entered into the lake as a drop of water, weaving stories of the way I had died. The veins I’d left behind sung out to me with a loving tune. I meshed with the other drops and turned them into blood, portraying their funneling of life within a creatures vessel. They liked that. I like it. The sun rose me from my wet abyss and I became a million misting gems. I fell upon my nose and jolted awake inside my body, awoke to the blinding rays. Laughter ensued, touching ensued, love ensued. I got up and walked on my feet…embracing the beauty and complicated existence of humanity, blowing kisses to the sun, the lake, the leaves, the trees, the dirt, the ground, and the nature surrounding me, eating me alive blissfully.