“This being hum…

“This being human is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor…Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”
— Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī

I must remind myself often of this truth. Emotions do not define who we are. They are guides, teachers, tricksters! They cannot always be trusted. They refuse to be ignored. They need to be felt, or else, they will linger in the depths you shut them inside until they bubble back up to the surface and visit you again. You must face them. Rejecting them or hiding them is rejecting your inner guide. You do not have to justify them. Nor do you have to justify yourself by feeling them unnecessarily. Take it easy. Love every opportunity to learn about yourself. Love yourself. You are okay and everything is alright, always. Let it go, let it come, let it go again. This is the beauty of awareness!

“Oh soul. You w…

“Oh soul. You worry too much. You have seen your own strength. You have seen your own beauty. You have seen your golden wings. Of anything less, why do you worry? You are, in truth, the soul of the soul of the soul.”
— Rumi

I self-talk like this all the time. Rumi taught me many years ago of this method. To ask myself questions, answer them with love. To recognize my efforts instead of putting myself down. To admit to my own beauty inside my soul. To remind myself that I am the divine and shouldn’t be talked to any other way than with respect. I hurt myself too often with self-judgement and harsh words. It’s easy to forget that how we talk to ourselves is how we feel about and see ourselves. If it’s all negative, it doesn’t help promote change which is what we are trying to get ourselves to do in the first place. Instead of thinking ‘I am a failure, I am lazy, I am weird, I am crazy’, I must think ‘I can try again, I can allow myself to rest, I am unique, I am complex and imaginative’. Positive self talk only. No more putting myself down. Try it, my friends. It will do wonders for your self esteem and motivation and peace inside your heart.

1.4.14 e

1.4.14 e

This is a picture of my beloved friend Kelsey and me sitting on the lonely steps leading up to a nonexistent house. This house had collapsed many years before and most of the debris was taken away save a few bricks, some glass, parts of the roof, and these stairs.
It was quite the experience to walk up them into the woods that now cover where their home used to be. Crunching on glass that must have been windows and pushing through spiderwebs that spiders now call their home. The physical remnants of the past hit somewhere deep inside of me. I could almost feel the energy that was shared in that spot. Families growing and changing together. People living and working. Hearts loving and sharing. All reduced to simple steps, and a stranger greeting them with the utmost respect and devotion they deserve.

1.4.14 b

1.4.13 b

I call this guy the Neptune twig. I found this him laying on the ground with one single dry leaf attached to it still. I was immediately flung into a reverie of life before that moment, when this little stick used to be a part of a bigger plant, green with leaves and thriving. Being the foundation for many other little leaves. This one was the only that stayed with it and it was beautiful to me. Love, companionship. Their bones rest together in harmony and my consciousness took note of it. This is so Neptunian in nature- the compassion felt, the sharing of consciousness, the beauty in connection. A truly special thing.

1.4.14 a

1.4.13 a

This tree caught my eye in all it’s grand glory. My friend said that she could feel the energy surrounding it. Children used to play near it, on it, with its branches. It was loved very much and so I sent more of my own love to it so it knew it wasn’t forgotten.

“Why did people…

“Why did people ask “What is it about?” as if a novel had to be about only one thing.”
—Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

THIS, this, this! For all you writers out there, especially ones working on a novel, you get what I mean. The most treacherous thing a person could ask is ‘what is your novel about?’. There are too many layers to a novel. Too many things that you want the reader to take away from it. Emotions you want them to feel. Inspiration you wish to spark. Knowledge you wish to convey through subtleties. How could one possibly respond with a short answer that fits in the context of a conversation? My answers will always be pretty similar. My novel is about humanity. It’s the human condition trying to explain itself in terms of an infinite universe. No matter which story I’m working on, the answer is the same. So now you know.

12/31/13

There are exactly 26 more minutes left of 2013 as I am writing this. Now, there are 25. Time is so strange. With it being strange, I don’t quite know what to say about the past year and what is has held because it all mixes together in my mind with emotion as the guiding factor and that’s not the best for considering time. Dreams weave different emotions, mornings and afternoons can seem months apart. The only thing I can assure about this year is that I have learned so much regarding love, spirituality, and who I truly am. I am in no way sure of anything. I just know that growth needs to continue and I will aid that with all my strength. The more I give toward strengthening, the stronger I become. Who knew, right? I have made some resolutions. Some goals. Little guiding points for myself, so I figure it would be a good idea to write them here since I am starting this blog to document this year and my life and thoughts.

  • Meditate daily
  • Read daily
  • Write daily
  • Study everything
  • Spend more time in nature
  • Expand comfort zone
  • Forgive more
  • Stop feeling guilty for everything
  • Enjoy sobriety
  • Remember to ‘let it go’
  • Travel with ease
  • Express gratitude for everything
  • Go with the flow
  • Relax when needed
  • Do more for your body: eat healthier, do yoga, take walks
  • Don’t take thing so personally
  • Post here at least once a week!
  • Express yourself freely
  • FEEL

Musing from a Scorpio with Venus in Sagittarius

My insides are inconsistent. They create essences and destroy feelings and operate in covert ways to elude the ego and flow through life in a steady wave. It pours out passions through my pores and sinks my skin into yours, no survivors from the suffocation, death in the slow choking and dissolving of boundaries — new birth in our bodies as one. It’s like the level of awareness we were on before rises toward the heavens in exaltation. We can see what we were missing before. Awake the new level of life you’ve immediately set for yourself. Nothing less would suffice. Nothing less would make you happy. Sometimes, though. Sometimes it sways the tides and ropes them in to push them in on themselves, just to bubble up to poisonous skies, wet ambitions, halted dreams. Nightmares swarm and they grab me by the neck and shake me till I wake in sweat needing to numb my hands with writing before I go insane. When I want to be alone it can last days. Days that I cherish and need in order to feel rejuvenated and alive. I contemplate, I write, and I love everything but I’m so embedded in the universal unconscious that my sways are necessary alignments. The stars are driving me every day towards death and rebirth, on all different levels. I’m a walking prism of the universe, examining itself. Expanding itself. How can I possibly commit to anything? I feel I am being selfish with you, and you, and you. With everyone! My inconsistency hurts so many and that hurts me, too. Eudaimonia. Love me freely. Accept my confusion and misdirection. Be my fantasy and shake me up a bit, transfer your life force into my being, make your mark and live in my heart forever. Draw on the inside pictures of our love. Let me keep them forever. Let me keep you forever. Forever is in a moment.