12 House Sun conjunct Pluto Musing

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Don’t ask me who I am, because I am everything. If you are not in love with the darkness you cannot be in love with my being. I am the light in the darkness. You have to swim towards me in confident strokes to reach me at all. And even then, you’ll drown in the darkness before having any hope in reaching the light. When you’re choking up death my eyes won’t seem worth the pain and you’ll flee to the shore once more. They’ll always flee to the shore. You’ll dream of diamond pupils, worth in love what they’re worth in human eyes. Maybe even take the trek a couple more times and forget how to breathe. Forget where you started and where you wanted to end up. The darkness does that to you. But the dreams will keep coming. Glistening stars will be my warm body against yours when you lose your physicality and drift into the sky. A firefly in the dead of night, curling around trees as fish swim in the sea- it will be my feet upon the ground, leading you to a field of orange flowers where we can prove our love. Though you haven’t reached me, and others continue to fall, I do not give up hope of being held. The warrior of light will face the black abyss, dive in with teeth clenched, unafraid of the monsters that lurk underneath. He’ll swallow the gore in throat swelling chunks and the teeth that gnash at him from below will tear his skin. Blood loss, oxygen loss, exhaustion looming but hope abounding, his fists continue to move forward. Murky waters reflect my light and his soul can feel its call. Swimming on, fighting on, losing every illusion of himself and murdering the ego, he’ll reach the center of pure white light and find he’s inside himself. We’ll unite and mesh our souls in unhindered understanding, for lovers are in each other all along.

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